Guilt
by girl with fangs98
Summary: Originally a one-shot, but got requests to write more. This is the story of Jasper's struggle to forgive himself after almost killing Bella in New Moon. Mostly Jasper's POV, possibly the other Cullens too. I'll try to update often. TRUE TO CHARACTERS!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey Everyone! I decided to write a one-shot about how Jasper feels after he almost kills bella in new moon. **

**Plz review! Hope you like it! =D**

_Jasper POV_

As soon as Rosalie and Emmett took me outside I realized what I had done.

I had almost killed Bella

Bella; Edwards soul-mate, Alice's new best friend, Charlie's only daughter... And I, weak Jasper Hale had almost ended her life because I wasn't strong enough to resist the blood. I had fought with my own family to try and get her blood, I had endangered her life because I wasn't strong enough.

I was a weak miserable vampire, who didn't deserve to live. I didn't deserve my loving family. I didn't deserve Alice.

I hardly heard Carlisle and Bella convincing Edward to leave Bella and come to me. Bella's blood was so much more irresistible to Edward, but even he was able to stop himself draining her blood.

I am weak.

Edward came out of the house then. His face was paler than usual as he thought about the danger Bella had just been in.

"Don't worry Jasper, it's not your fault. We all slip-up sometimes." He said. I knew he didn't blame me for what just happened. He blamed himself.

I could feel worry, shock and sympathy for me coming from everyone. It was too much. I fell to my knees as the guilt washed over me. I hated myself, truly hated myself for what I had done.

"I have to go." I managed to say. Alice obviously seeing what I was going to do, came out of the house and ran over to me.

"Please don't go." She begged me. But my decision was already made. I didn't deserve any of the love I got here.

"I have to." I said and then I got up and ran into the forest. I didn't stop running. Maybe I wasn't going to. I didn't know.

Because all I felt... was guilt.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, well, when I was writing the first chapter of this story I'd been doing it as a one-shot. But then I got loads of people adding it to their Story Alert Subscription and a few people reviewing and asking me to continue so I've decided to make this a story of Jasper's struggle to forgive himself after he almost kills Bella. I'm thinking of doing it all in Jasper's POV but I might put in a few of Alice's POV too, or maybe Edward's. Let me know what you think! Also, I hope I've got Jasper's character right. Hopefully I'll get better at it as I write more.**

** Anyway, enough with this long Author's Note. Let's get to the story! Enjoy! =)**

_Jasper POV_

I was in the forest. I had run so far I'm sure I wasn't in the same country any more. I'm making a clearing in a dense part of the forest, punching and kicking big rocks and watching them shatter into little pieces. Tearing up trees and throwing them around. I had to do _something_ to get my anger out. How could I have been so stupid? If only there was an easy way to kill vampires! So then I could just die and go straight to hell. At least that would be easier than living with all this GUILT! But that would hurt Alice… Argh! Right now… I hated myself!

Suddenly I felt something land on my back. I was just about to throw it off, when I smelt the familiar scent. Alice!

"Alice, please, just leave me alone in my misery. That's all I deserve. I don't deserve you, I don't deserve any of you."

"JASPER!" She jumped off my back and landed neatly in front of me. "Never say that! Of course you deserve us! You deserve the best! And I think you're strong. None of us could have survived all those years fighting newborns!"

"But I almost…" I was whispering now. "I almost killed Bella!" I hung my head and looked at the ground. I still couldn't believe what I'd done. How could I have been so weak?

"Yes Jasper, _almost. _But you didn't, that's the thing that matters. And I know Bella has already forgiven you, She won't hold this against you. Neither will Edward."

"But what if it happens again?" I asked, voicing my worst fears. "What if Bella bleeds and I… I… I _kill_ her? She's part of the family now. I would be killing my sister! I'll always be the weakest link. I'll never be as strong as you!"

"Yes you will! You just have to believe in yourself! We believe in you. _I _believe in you!" And when I looked into those beautiful golden eyes, I knew she really did believe in me. But the question is… Do I?


End file.
